We are grown right? So this type of stuff doesn’t happen right? Wrong! Peer Pressure can be felt at any age and in a variety of different circumstances. So, I ask, is there peer pressure in the natural hair community?
Well, frankly I believe the answer to that question is yes. Here’s why: At Ma’Mocha Naturals we offer Beauty Confidence Consultations for women who are dealing with confidence issues related to their natural hair. In doing this, I’ve heard time and time again that they are feeling pressure. Pressure from who? Well some are experiencing pressure from family and friends who just can’t seem to wrap their minds around the fact that they no longer want to relax their hair…. we expect that though right? Yup, pretty much. We all understand that sometimes it can take a little while for our loved ones to get on board with our decision to go natural and that’s cool. Unfortunately, some may not ever get on board….. and well that’s fine too!
However, one constant and quite disturbing issue that I’ve been hearing is the fact that a lot of women are experiencing (what can be perceived as being) negative peer pressure right from within the natural hair community. One thing that makes this type of pressure more disturbing than most is that it oftentimes is completely unexpected! You would think that with other naturals you would receive the encouragement that is so sorely missing in other circles, but for some women that is not the case.
Many of us go natural to get rid of all the chemicals as well as embrace who we truly are inside. What can happen along the way though, is that we could begin to feel like we need to fit in with all the other naturals that we see at meet-ups, online, in our social circles etc. If this happens, we are actually forgetting one of the main reasons we may have went natural in the first place—individuality. Don’t get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with being inspired by other women’s hair, fashion, confidence etc. Inspiration is great, however the problem comes when we feel like we need to be just like these women or when we feel like new naturals need to be just like us. I’m sure you’ve seen or heard it….. a woman goes natural and another natural tells her, “girl, all you need is some make-up and some earrings, and you’ll be fine. I wear (insert make-up brand of choice here) and I found these earrings I have on at ………” Honestly, whoever said that just because you’ve went natural you now need to start wearing more make-up than you ever did before or start wearing more accessories than you did in the past? Now, if that’s what YOU want to do then fine, have at it, but if you would rather not, then don’t. That may sound simple but for some women, it is a lot easier said than done.
A friend of mine told me that she felt like when she went natural she now needed to listen to more neo soul music and dress more bohemian. Really? Granted, it does seem like there are a lot of natural hair videos out there with neo soul and conscience rap playing in the background and that’s completely fine because that’s their personal preference. If you hear something you like and want to add that to your music collection, great you should do it! If rock is more your thing, that’s fine too. I mean honestly who are you trying to please? I personally love neo soul music, and I feel this way not because of my hair, but just because I really like it. I also like Foster The People (love their song, call it what you want!), which is like light alternative I guess. Would I hesitate to play them in the car with my natural haired friends? No. Why? I like it, it’s my car and if you don’t like what’s being played, you can get out. Just kidding. For real though, why is it that some of us feel like just because we have natural hair that we all must be the same?
Another area that sometimes breeds conformity is choice of hairstyle. Why do some of us feel like no one wants shrinkage? Is shrinkage really that bad? One woman I spoke with told me that she loves her wash and go styles because her hair shrinks up and it looks really cute. She went on to relate that her friends on the other hand, hate it. They are natural as well. She says that they keep trying to style her hair in different ways to elongate it but she says she never likes any of the styles as much as she likes her shrunken fro. This seems like an easy answer……just rock your shrunken fro, right? Wrong, these ladies are her best friends and she said they are obsessed with achieving bra strap length natural hair. As a result, they want her to jump on the bandwagon with them and stretch her hair out to maximum lengths. She could care less about length, she just wants a cute, simple style. What’s a girl to do right?
Just be yourself! Take inspiration from other women and make it your own. When we were sporting relaxers we all weren’t wearing the same hair and fashion styles, so why should we start now? We honestly have to do some soul searching and find out what we really like in terms of our hair, fashion, and overall style. We also need to determine what looks best on us. After all, what makes another woman’s style superior to yours? Nothing at all. It may also be helpful to remember that at the end of the day when we look in the mirror we need to be happy with the woman that is looking back at us. If we don’t love and appreciate her for who she really is, then how can we expect anyone else to? Just a thought.
Do you feel like there is peer pressure in the natural hair community and if so, what kinds?
I believe “southern naturals” are the WORST regarding stretching, length, growth rates and curl patterns. The same archaic hair stigmas/hierarchies have been “re-mixed and resurfaced. It is unfortunate. Good article!!
I don’t feel pressure I’m just struggling to get to the real me. Natural is hard because I have hid behind relaxers and tracks for so long but I’m trying to love me I’ve never ever liked wearing my real hair but I am learning and articles like this really help. Thanks!!
While wearing locks I once was verbally attacked by a woman with long uncultivated locks. My locks were cultivated and styled very beautifully I might add, and it somehow rubbed her the wrong way. Fortunately, I could have cared less for her opinion of me and my personal choices. Now I rock a TWA and people who loved my locks are shocked that I cut them off. Oh well!!!
I KNOW there is peer pressure in the natural hair community. The ones that don’t want you to apply heat to your hair; none whatsoever!! Then there are those who want you to only use juices and berries…like we can afford that. I choose to be able to eat over some $40 hair products. *shrugs* I’m all for healthy. If you feel that juices and berries help your hair…go ahead, but if the Murray’s helps THIS hair to lay down and STAY down…I’m gonna use some Murray’s!! I don’t wear jewelry…and no one is going to force me to JUST because I’m natural!! Going natural is more mental!!!
Love the article! Thankfully I don’t really care what others opinions are of my appearance. I dress and style my hair for me. No one can give you SELF-esteem.
Well said Feisty
Thanks KimB! I completely agree with you!
I do feel there is an overwhelming desire for long natural hair within the natural hair community. The peer pressure I feel is to grow my hair as long and as quickly as I can, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going in for a cut next week (9 months post BC) because I want to rock a tapered TWA for a little bit before I grow it all the way out. Great article!
I’m really happy you enjoyed it. Just hang in there Sharnia and be patient both with your hair as well as yourself. It takes time to find what works best for you, so don’t rush it. If you need any additional assistance, check out our beauty confidence consults. You may find they really do help! Thanks for commenting
I have a neighbor with locks who turns up her nose when I choose to wear braids as a protective style. She is very sarcastic about nearly every style choice I make. I ig her and do me, happily
Thanks for your thoughts Dez! It really is sad that we put these types of mental restraints on ourselves as well as others. It really is a wake-up call for us all to really love ourselves as is and encourage other women to do the same!
I absolutely LOVED this article! I’ve been natural for 6 years, and the one thing that I can really say is that I did it for me! I try different hair styles and I wear what I like. It may be hard to believe, but I honestly don’t care what anyone else thinks. Whether I’m sporting a shrunken fro or rocking my twists, I’m feeling good about me and loving my hair. For those that have issues with it, get over it and keep your advice! The beauty of being natural is enjoying my hair in whatever phase or style it’s in. I hope the ladies that feel peer pressure take a stand and love your hair regardless of the length or style. Thanks for the article sistah!
Hey Lisa, thanks so much for your comments! Your confidence is contagious!
This is a great article. I thought I was the only one that loves shrinkage..lol. My hair is long. I didn’t even know how long it was until I had it flat ironed. Let me tell you, when it gets hot in the summer I certainly want shrinkage…I don’t want heavy hair making me any hotter. I’m already prone to being hot at my age…lol.
This is the thing that upsets me so much about some “naturals”. There is not one particular way to rock your locks!
You do you and I’ll do me!
I have been natural for a year and a half, but only recently stopped wearing braids and wigs because I was uncomfortable with the length of my hair. My hair is still short, but I’m learning to accept me for me! I LOVE MY HAPPY NAPS! lol Thanks for the article. Respect.
I have felt the pressure. I wear a chunky twist out and my hair is course. I’ve been natural for 2 years and my co workers and family still can’t wrap their mind around it. I love it. For the first time I truly feel free.
I’ve been natural since 2007. I did the big chop on my 18th birthday, and I was in the 12th grade. I didn’t have the resources, information, products, and natural-and-proud groups that exist now back then. Plus, I didn’t know crap about hair, so I would just go to the salon and get it roller-set. Then I started rocking the wash-n-go look all the time because the salon visits were adding up. When I enlisted into the military, I got reamed for my natural hair texture, and I started rocking slicked-back ponytails that were soaked and hardened in gel, which of course, were damaging.
I just didn’t know what to do with my hair! I actually started to get sick of it and all the work I had to do to it and all the criticisms I was getting, and I contemplated going back to the “creamy crack” [relaxers]. The natural-haired women in blogs went in on me for not being a “proud natural” because I stated my concerns. And then I started getting press-outs almost every month or so, and natural-haired girls bugged out about that!
My hair naturally soaks up water like a sponge and shrinks, then dries to a brittle crisp. When I found out my hair texture (a combo of 3c/4a/4b), I started finding better products for my hair, and my styling got a bit easier. But there are times I run out of product and don’t have the money to replace it. So, for a little while, I’m back to slicked-back ponytails. My hair was so much easier to style before, but now, that’s it grown so long, it gets extremely tedious and tiring. I get my hair pressed out because I like length and hair movement, and it’s less work than my kinky-curly hair. That’s one huge reason why I miss relaxers, but my scalp has been the healthiest it’s ever been, and I’m not sure if I ever want to go back to the creamy crack because of that.
I just don’t know what to do. It’s been five years now, and I still look in the mirror wondering if the kinky-curly texture is really the one I want to rock. Does that mean I’m not “natural and proud”? Maybe. But I’d rather natural-haired women understand my concerns and try to offer me real advice instead of criticisms, so that perhaps I can know what to do with my hair, and therefore be proud of it.
gurl she just wants to be you and doesnt have the courage to ask how she can become you….just playin….she has jealousy issues plain and simple….u be just like Fantasia and keep on DOIN YOU….
I say how u wear what is on ur head is much less important than what is in ur head. I have been natural for years and nothing burns me more than the self righteous, know it all attitude that some other naturalistas have. I have no problem with ppl knowing what is best for their crown, but when u start trying to tell other ppl what to do with theirs in a condescending manner I get annoyed very quickly. So, yeah this was a great article. There is entirely to much peer pressure within the natural community but it is important for women to stand on their own two feet and do what is best for their hair and their life.
I feel no pressure. I have always been ME even with a relaxer. I’m gonna continue to be ME naturally to! I’ve been natural since 2007 and IMMEDIATELY after my BC I felt the last obstacle to me being ME had been erradicated. Regarding product usage…if juices & berries only work for you go for it! However I simply use what works in MY hair. Sometimes it is just juices and berries sometimes not.
Off and on over the course of my adult life I’ve had natural styles. Sixteen yrs. ago, I started my dreadlocks that were about an inch. Today, they are over 3ft long. The issue 16 years ago was whether I was a Rastafarian and if I understood the spiritual significance of wearing dreadlocks. It was assumed and inferred that wearing locks was a lifestyle and not a fashion choice. I was not a Rastafarian, did not see a connection between my hair and spirituality and I worked in corporate America and wore conservative suits and “Westernized” clothes. Flash forward to today. I have changed my name, clothes, religion and lifestyle to be more consistent with my knowledge of my African heritage and I have evolved to understand the political implications of these choices. Now that natural hair seems to be more “in vogue”, people seem more uneasy about why I changed my name and am always in African attire. We all have a personal journey of self-discovery and personal empowerment. People’s who are unfulfilled will always find something to criticize in someone else. Therefore, every woman has to forge her own path in her own time and in her own way. And, hopefully there will be someone who can encourage her along the way.
I could truly identify with “all you need is some make-up and some earrings, and you’ll be fine” and my personal favorite has been “girl your hair is growing …now it’s time to get a relaxer” or a texturizer would make it look so much better…ugh! For me this is not a phase or the current “it” thing to do. Let me do me and you do you ….please.
finally! i thought i was the only one who noticed this!..i personally am relaxed, but i still take hair advice from girls who are natural, because to me hair is hair, relaxed or natural, our hair has special needs…there’s always this big divide between relaxed and naturals, but as of late, i’ve been noticing a divide in the natural community by itself!, you have some girls who are like ‘i’m natural and that’s all there is to it’ then you have these self righteous extreme girls like “i will NEVER wear my hair straight, my curls are beautiful’ but then they style their hair to streatch out their curls…it’s crazy, i say whatever works for you.. do that, there are no rules to being natural, there are no rules to being “black” hair is hair